woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Randomize
