Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
