i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So vagazzling was a success
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
