I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
