I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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