Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
