You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize