i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
