3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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