im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
my shit smells like andre
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
