i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
