and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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