Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
