this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
