I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
