my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
