sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
