Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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