I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
