I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
