can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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