I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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