I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
