shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
