My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You pole danced in your parka.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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