FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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