He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
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