Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
