Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
id be glad to
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
