I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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