what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
