My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
