i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
