You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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