Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He felt like a one man threesome
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
