i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
