in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He has the fingertips of a God
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