I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
