well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
