This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
