I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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