apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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