My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
