i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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