Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
