I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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