ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
