I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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