Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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