I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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