Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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