No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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