i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
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He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
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Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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