HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
