I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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