I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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