she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
