i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
