bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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