Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
