Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
