I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
