You're a womanizer and a bitch.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
