I got chris browned last night
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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