where am i from again
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
