so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
