What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
i out mim tonsoeep
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