i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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