She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
