An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My breasts were aching with rage.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
