Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
