you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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